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The following is a HOLY CRAP post, But helped take the edge off missing TW. It is a cut and paste job since I typed this out Sunday and did all teh spell check.
Warning: No drinks need to be consumed past this point and tissues are optional for the end.
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On Sunday Feb 11th, 2007 my life, already in a shamble, went for the wildest emotional ride of my life. Totally out of my character I went to not one but TWO different "BARS" to listen to some live music. After months/year of prodding to see a certain band, The first was the The Local Performance Hall to see some friends play, Julie and Marc, of the Molly Mcguires and to give Marc a small bottle of my "strong drink".
Then after a song or two I went to check out a band called Zombie Bazooka Patrol. (I will not reveal the location.) That's is where it all went down hill. As I was walk into the place this guy turns around to see who walked in and I have flash of my daughters face. I shake it off and just think I am being an over protective dad and having a dispute before I left the house the guilty conscience is working over time. DOODLE LEE DOO, DOODLE LEE DOO, DOODLE LEE DOO. (The Wayne's World flash back sound) In the months before I met my wife (20 years ago this July 9th) I had this girlfriend I was more than holding hands with. Well as most late teen, early twenties relationships go we parted ways and that parting allowed the door to be open to meet my wife. I must say it has been the best that I had met my wife but before that parting a skeleton began to form in my closet. We had a child. I tried from the moment I learned to be a part of his life but his mother basically put it in no certain terms I was out of her life and she had no intentions of me being a part of her or HER sons life. Through the years we did cross paths at Wal-Mart and Riverbend. I would look at HER little boy and see my niece and nephew and some of my cousins and just say "Hi" and sadly walk away.
Back to 2007, As I order me a coke (since I am driving home) This guy hollers "Steven, run with me to the store and get some smokes" The guy who gave me the little guilt trip stands up and walks to the door just as MY son Gregg walks, He looks over at me with that "Why is this OLD man hanging in a bar where they play punk music? Bet he's a cop." look. My jaw just DROPPED. I knew my past had just exploded in my face. I know everyone there just knew I was cop and they were very standoffish. I had to know. Like a dumbass I asked the barkeep if they knew who he was. If he had been her husband she was not going to say. She told me ask some others they know him. All I asked was "What is his last name?" Most people just gave me the "Idunno" Then one guy finally said the last name. My heart stopped. It did flip flops. I was short of breath. I Knew. There say the son I never knew but so wanted to know was there. All I said to his friend was I knew his mother years ago.
His friend could not pass the chance to do a little friend jigging, He ran across the bar shouting. HAHA THAT OLD MAN COULD BE YOUR DADDY! I wanted to crawl under the floor. Steven turned over to look at me and all I could see was my nephew giving me that "freak" look. There sitting just feet from me was the person I thought about everyday. The emotions were overwhelming to say the least. The band I came to see was not there yet and would not be there for an hour from what I learned. So I thought it best for me to vacate and go visit a bottle I left. When I returned I asked him to step outside. It was there shivering in the cold I told him that guy making the joke could not have been farther from the truth. There in a instant we went from two strangers to a father and a son. I up front told him I wanted to be a part of his life but his mother would not let me. We exchanged phone numbers and have talked a few times via email. We had a meeting Saturday (2/24) and had a long talk. As we went our separate way there was an emotional father son hug. I told him very quietly I had waited years for that moment and I promised him it won't be the last. I turned away and headed to the car as fast as possible. I could not turn back to look at him walk away. I was choking back tears I did not want him to see. In a hug years of thoughts came rushing to me. The what if's and why's bore down. I held off until I was in the car and the tears flowed. For the first time my wife and my kids hear me break down and cry my eyes out. For the first time in my life one of my kids was not going home with me and my home is not his home.
I just look forward to the next time I see him and spend time with him again. I just pray to God its not another 18 or 19 years.
****************************
FYI: We talk more and seen each other a few times. I am happy to have closed one sad chapter of my life and opened a new one with a happier theme.
BTW: He somehow has the natural talent of practical jokes and haunting. I have no idea where that came from. :roll:
Joe Dog
Warning: No drinks need to be consumed past this point and tissues are optional for the end.
**************************
On Sunday Feb 11th, 2007 my life, already in a shamble, went for the wildest emotional ride of my life. Totally out of my character I went to not one but TWO different "BARS" to listen to some live music. After months/year of prodding to see a certain band, The first was the The Local Performance Hall to see some friends play, Julie and Marc, of the Molly Mcguires and to give Marc a small bottle of my "strong drink".
Then after a song or two I went to check out a band called Zombie Bazooka Patrol. (I will not reveal the location.) That's is where it all went down hill. As I was walk into the place this guy turns around to see who walked in and I have flash of my daughters face. I shake it off and just think I am being an over protective dad and having a dispute before I left the house the guilty conscience is working over time. DOODLE LEE DOO, DOODLE LEE DOO, DOODLE LEE DOO. (The Wayne's World flash back sound) In the months before I met my wife (20 years ago this July 9th) I had this girlfriend I was more than holding hands with. Well as most late teen, early twenties relationships go we parted ways and that parting allowed the door to be open to meet my wife. I must say it has been the best that I had met my wife but before that parting a skeleton began to form in my closet. We had a child. I tried from the moment I learned to be a part of his life but his mother basically put it in no certain terms I was out of her life and she had no intentions of me being a part of her or HER sons life. Through the years we did cross paths at Wal-Mart and Riverbend. I would look at HER little boy and see my niece and nephew and some of my cousins and just say "Hi" and sadly walk away.
Back to 2007, As I order me a coke (since I am driving home) This guy hollers "Steven, run with me to the store and get some smokes" The guy who gave me the little guilt trip stands up and walks to the door just as MY son Gregg walks, He looks over at me with that "Why is this OLD man hanging in a bar where they play punk music? Bet he's a cop." look. My jaw just DROPPED. I knew my past had just exploded in my face. I know everyone there just knew I was cop and they were very standoffish. I had to know. Like a dumbass I asked the barkeep if they knew who he was. If he had been her husband she was not going to say. She told me ask some others they know him. All I asked was "What is his last name?" Most people just gave me the "Idunno" Then one guy finally said the last name. My heart stopped. It did flip flops. I was short of breath. I Knew. There say the son I never knew but so wanted to know was there. All I said to his friend was I knew his mother years ago.
His friend could not pass the chance to do a little friend jigging, He ran across the bar shouting. HAHA THAT OLD MAN COULD BE YOUR DADDY! I wanted to crawl under the floor. Steven turned over to look at me and all I could see was my nephew giving me that "freak" look. There sitting just feet from me was the person I thought about everyday. The emotions were overwhelming to say the least. The band I came to see was not there yet and would not be there for an hour from what I learned. So I thought it best for me to vacate and go visit a bottle I left. When I returned I asked him to step outside. It was there shivering in the cold I told him that guy making the joke could not have been farther from the truth. There in a instant we went from two strangers to a father and a son. I up front told him I wanted to be a part of his life but his mother would not let me. We exchanged phone numbers and have talked a few times via email. We had a meeting Saturday (2/24) and had a long talk. As we went our separate way there was an emotional father son hug. I told him very quietly I had waited years for that moment and I promised him it won't be the last. I turned away and headed to the car as fast as possible. I could not turn back to look at him walk away. I was choking back tears I did not want him to see. In a hug years of thoughts came rushing to me. The what if's and why's bore down. I held off until I was in the car and the tears flowed. For the first time my wife and my kids hear me break down and cry my eyes out. For the first time in my life one of my kids was not going home with me and my home is not his home.
I just look forward to the next time I see him and spend time with him again. I just pray to God its not another 18 or 19 years.
****************************
FYI: We talk more and seen each other a few times. I am happy to have closed one sad chapter of my life and opened a new one with a happier theme.
BTW: He somehow has the natural talent of practical jokes and haunting. I have no idea where that came from. :roll:
Joe Dog
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